LOTR meets Men in Tights Dance Competition
by luna-rose
Summary: The different races doing one of the dance scenes from the Men in Tights movie. please read and review, thanks!
1. Story

Title: Lord of the Rings Meets Men in Tights Dance Competition  
Authors: Frodo Took (ctiffany@earthlink.net) and Samwise Star (zerah_561@hotmail.com)  
Rating: PG (mild cursing)  
  
Two of the Valar watch as the world goes on and notice something odd is happening in a forest (which one they can't remember the name of cause there's too dang many!) and sit down to see what's going on. Large groups of Men, Elves, Hobbits, Dwarves, Wizards, Orcs, and Uruk-hai have come together to...well, they're not sure yet. It seems that the two Valar called Zerah and Luna decided to have a bit of fun with them, but only by starting the ruckus.  
  
"So what should we do with them?" asked Luna.  
"Well, I just saw this interesting movie in the future called "Robin Hood: Men in Tights", and I wanted to see if we could redo the dancing sequence with the Merry Men," Zerah replied.  
"Oh, yes, I saw that as well, sounds like fun. How will we start it?"  
"I'm going to plant into all their heads the song and dance and see how it goes, sound good?"  
"Fine by me, go for it!"  
  
(Down in the forest)  
"What are we all doing here I wonder?" asked Pippin Took, looking at the fellow members of the remaining Fellowship, all who are with their own race.  
"Don't know," replied Aragorn. "I was just in the middle of....  
  
~Loud pop and bright flash of light~  
  
"Hey, we can dance better than you people can!" yelled an Orc.  
"No you can't, we can!" yelled back Legolas.  
"Oh please, we can sing AND dance better then all of you!" cried Frodo.  
"Get off of it, you couldn't even if you tried!" laughed Boromir.  
  
~Everything goes still; aka pause button~  
  
"I thought Boromir was dead," Zerah said, looking at Luna oddly.  
"Well, yes, he was, but I decided to bring him back for this," Luna said with a coy grin.  
Zerah eyes her for a moment. "At least he looks good, that much I can say."  
"Thank you. May we continue now?"  
"Um, ok, sure."  
  
~Un-pause~  
  
"You are so pathetic, we can all beat you!" sneered an Uruk-hai.  
"Now this is a laugh." Saurman says to his fellow Istari, "Being that we are more powerful than all of you, and know everything, we are the supreme performers!" bellowed Saurman.  
  
~Pause again~  
  
"You like bringing back dead people, don't you?" Zerah said, rolling here eyes.  
"Um, well in this case, it was more for Gandalf, he was missing his 'lovie' as he calls him."  
"Ewww, bad mental image!! Whatever, need to keep the Istari happy, they might blow up everything."   
Luna nods.  
  
~Un-pause~  
  
"HAHAHA! All you puny people could never match up to us dwarves!" bellowed Gimli.  
"We'll see about that!" Gandalf said smiling. "Right lovie?"  
"Right!" Saurman replied kissing Gandalf.  
  
~Pause~  
  
"Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!! Dear us did they have to do that?!?!"  
"….uhhh..yea I think so," replies Luna to Zerah's outburst.  
"Well, here we go! And I still think it's creepy about the whole "lovie" thing, Luna."  
"I personally think it's cute. Now quit pausing! I wanna see those hobbit's dance, especially Pippin!"  
"Oy."  
"Oh shut up you know you want to see the Elves dance, especially Legolas!"  
"…Yeah ok, you're right."  
  
~Music plays~  
  
"We're men... we're men in tights. We roam around the forest looking for fights," the elves sang, as they began to dance.   
  
"We're men... we're men in tights. We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's right!" sang the men.  
  
~Pause~  
  
"Why did the men say that line?" asked Luna.  
"Well, think about it, ever heard of any of the other races doing anything like that?"  
"Hmm, true. Ok, it makes sense now."  
  
~Un-pause~  
  
"We may look like sissies, but watch what you say or else we'll put out your lights," the dwarves sang back, one of them punching one of the men, then moving away quickly.  
  
"We're men... we're men in tights; always on guard defending the people's rights." The wizards sang loudly.  
  
~Can can music~  
  
"La la la la la la la la la, la la la la la la la la la...Lalalalalalala,  
La la la la la la la la la, la la la la la la la la la...Lalalalalalala," danced the hobbits.  
  
~Pause~  
  
"Luna? Luna, are you in there?" Zerah asked, waving her hand in front of Luna's face.  
"Cut it out, you're blocking my view!"  
Zerah looks down at the stilled hobbits and sees Pippin is a very striking position.  
(Author's Note: I would say how, but I'll let each person think up their own pose :D!)  
"Oh, well that explains it. You know he's not moving, right?"  
"So what?! Hey, look at Legolas!"  
They look at him, and a huge grin comes across Zerah's face.  
"Now there's a wonderful shot...hehehe..."  
(Author's Note: The wind is stilled as well and Legolas' tunic is blown up...think you can take it from there...)  
"Ready to keep going?" Luna asked, finger hovering over the pause button.  
"No"  
"Zerah, I promise to rewind later"  
"Ummm, yeah, sure..." Zerah says not really paying much attention.  
Luna smiles and shakes her head.  
"Don't drool too much or we'll have a flood, which would stop this whole thing."  
"Oh, right, sorry."  
  
~Un-pause~  
  
"We're men," one half of the dwarves sang, "manly men," sang the other half, Gimli the loudest of all of them.  
  
"We're men in tights," sang one half of the Uruk-hai, "YES!" sang the others, while doing the little finger snapping thing and sounding very gay (and we don't mean happy).  
  
~Pause~  
  
"That was just wrong!"  
  
~Un-pause~  
  
"EEEEWWWWW!" screamed all the other races.  
  
"We roam around the forest looking for fights," the Istari sang after a few seconds of shock.  
  
"We're men, we're men in tights," sang the men happily.  
  
"We rob from the rich and give to the poor that's right," sang the Orcs is very high screechy voices, causing everyone to cover their ears.  
  
~Pause~  
  
"Ouch! That hurt!" said Zerah rubbing her ears.  
"Yeah, we need to get them singing lessons or something, poor hobbits."  
"You really like the hobbits, don't you?"  
"Well, you have a major thing for the elves."  
"True.... Hey, look at Aragorn!"  
(Author's Note: Aragorn's bent way over, arse in the air...and he's in his usual leather pants *hehe*)  
"OK, I thought we already agreed on the races we liked..."  
"Hmm, but can you really think much on it with that shot?"  
"You're right."  
"Let's continue now shall we?"  
  
~Un-pause~  
  
"We may look like pansies, but don't get us wrong or else we'll put out your lights," danced the elves, then Legolas slaps Haldir (Author's note: This is going by book verse where as far as I have read, he didn't die at Helm's Deep), and Haldir jumps, then glares in Legolas' direction, but finds that Legolas is already on the other side of the group of elves.  
  
"We're men, we're men in tights, Tight tights!" Sang the Hobbits, grabbing their belts and pulling up showing that their feet aren't the only thing big.  
  
~Pause~  
"Wow no wonder you like Hobbits so much!"  
Luna stares wide-eyed at the newly revealed item on the Hobbits  
"Luna? Luna?? Oh for the love of….LUNA!!!!!"  
"Huh? Wha? Yea ok, sure…"  
Zerah shakes head "You're hopeless."  
"Am not! And look at what your precious Legolas did to Haldir! He Bitch slapped him!!"  
"Yeah…well….uhh….it was cute…"  
"Now who's hopeless.."  
"Shut up bitch!"  
"Whore!"  
"Slut!"  
"Hoe!"  
"Gimli's Axe!"  
"Uruk-hai's whore!  
"Grima's Call-girl!"  
"Sauron's sex slave!"  
"Wait, they're both dead."  
"Ewwwwwwww!!!"  
  
~Un-pause~  
  
"Always on guard defending the peoples rights  
When you're in a fix just call for the men in tights!"  
  
~Pause~  
  
"Wait!! We can't end it now!"  
"Yeah! Hmmm…I bet we can find other things to put them in!!!"  
"Yeah!! What should we start with?"  
"How about Monty Python!"  
~To readers~  
"And now for something completely different!"  
  
TBC… 


	2. Continuation! Please Read!

This story has been continued here:  
  
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1510502  
  
ThAnK yOu, AnD eNjOy!  
  
Frodo and Samwise 


End file.
